We are all guilty of standing on the edge of a canyon or in a vaulted empty room and yelling ‘echo’ at the top of our longs. And we all get enjoyment from it. There is something thrilling about listening to our voices bounce around us. But after the 3rd or 4th time, we grow tired and move on. The moment is gone, the effect is gone.
It's the same in writing.
Echoes can be seen in the themes you write, the way scenes are structured, the way the sentence is structured, and the words you use. When used appropriately, they create a mood that enhances the reader’s experience. When used without thought, they pull the reader out of the story.
For this article I will we’ll focus on repeated words and phrases. These seem to be the most common echoes that pull readers out.
Here is an easy one to catch.
Joe wanted a hamburger. But he needed to go to the store before he could eat. He needed to buy buns, since the ones he had were moldy. And then he needed to stop and get propane to grill the burgers. He went to the store and got everything he needed. Once home, he finally grilled the hamburger and ate it.
There is a lot wrong with this. It’s boring and very bullet pointed. It is not engaging and there are multiple echoes.
‘He’ and ‘he needed’ is stated multiple times, disengaging your reader.
Joe wanted a hamburger. But he needed to go to the store before he could eat. He needed to buy buns, since the ones he had were moldy. And then he needed to stop and get propane to grill the burgers. He went to the store and got everything he needed. Once home, he finally grilled the hamburger and ate it.
So how do we fix this? Can we just take out the offending words? No. We need to re-write the excerpt, change the sentence structure, and eliminate the repeated words.
Combine sentences and removed excess words.
Joe wanted a hamburger. But he needed to go to the store before he could eat.
Vs.
Joe wanted a hamburger, but he needed to go to the store.
He went to the store and got everything he needed. Once home, he finally grilled the hamburger and ate it.
Vs.
After a quick trip to the store, he grilled the hamburger and ate it.
Combine the sentences and change the subject.
Joe is no longer the subject of the sentence, so we can eliminate ‘he’ and ‘he needed.’
He needed to buy buns, since the ones he had were moldy. And then he needed to stop and get propane to grill the burgers.
Vs.
His buns were moldy, and there was no propane for the grill.
Joe wanted a hamburger, but he needed to go to the store. His buns were moldy, and there was no propane for the grill. After a quick trip to the store, he grilled the hamburger and ate it.
Here’s another.
Sliding the straps of her dress off her shoulders, she let it slide gracefully to the floor.
What if we change the subject?
Sliding the straps off her shoulders, the dress fell gracefully to the floor.
See if you can catch this subtle echo.
“Are those sandwiches?” Stacy’s mouth was watering. She hadn’t eaten all day.
“They sure are. Go ahead and take one.” Paul smiled.
She picked one up and hastily took a bite. Cheeks full, she blanched and made a motion she hoped looked like ‘thank you.’
Paul laughed and picked up a packet of mustard and sandwich for himself. “Glad you aren’t the type to shy away from a good meal.”
Did you catch it?
“Are those sandwiches?” Stacy’s mouth was watering. She hadn’t eaten all day.
“They sure are. Go ahead and take one.” Paul smiled.
She picked one up and hastily took a bite. Cheeks full, she blanched and made a motion she hoped looked like ‘thank you.’
Paul laughed and picked up a packet of mustard and sandwich for himself. “Glad you aren’t the type to shy away from a good meal.”
This echo is a little more subtle, but it’s still there. So, what’s the simplest way to change it?
How about changing ‘picked one up’ to something that shows us a little more urgency on Stacy’s part?
She grabbed one and hastily took a bite.
“Are those sandwiches?” Stacy’s mouth was watering. She hadn’t eaten all day.
“They sure are. Go ahead and take one.” Paul smiled.
She grabbed one and hastily took a bite. Cheeks full, she blanched and made a motion she hoped looked like ‘thank you.’
Paul laughed and picked up a packet of mustard and sandwich for himself. “Glad you aren’t the type to shy away from a good meal.”
How about this one.
Lily strolled across the room, then dropped to her knees in front of him.
While this doesn’t sound or look like a usual echo, the words are close enough that they could cause issues when read aloud.
Lily sauntered across the room, dropping to her knees in front of him.
Sometimes a simple change is all that’s needed to remove the echo.
Purposeful Echoes:
“I’m a bad person. I don’t deserve to be loved.” Sarah hung her head and turned to leave.
All the horrible things from her past raced through her mind. No one could love the monster she hid in her heart. It cried for blood and destruction and soon she would give in and let the monster loose.
Jimmy reached out to stop her. “You crazy, insufferable fool. How do you not know I love you?”
“You love me?” Sarah turned, head low to the ground, fear keeping her from looking into his lying eyes.
“I love you,” he said, lifting her chin to meet her gaze. “I love all of you. Even the parts you try so hard to hide.”
Did you catch the echoes? ‘I love you,’ ‘hide,’ and 'turned.'
“I’m a bad person. I don’t deserve to be loved.” Sarah hung her head and turned to leave.
All the horrible things from her past raced through her mind. No one could love the monster she hid in her heart. It cried for blood and destruction and soon she would give in and let the monster loose.
Jimmy reached out to stop her. “You crazy, insufferable fool. How do you not know I love you?”
“You love me?” Sarah turned, head low to the ground, fear keeping her from looking into his lying eyes.
“I love you,” he said lifting her chin to meet her gaze. “I love all of you. Even the parts you try so hard to hide.”
The echoes enhance the mood of the scene. They add to the emotions the author is trying to convey.
*'turned' could be changed. But I can't think of a better way to say 'turn around' that doesn't complicate the moment.
Sometimes the echoes stay. Use your intuition to help decide.
Echoes can be a great tool when used appropriately. That doesn’t mean use them all the time. Use them sparingly and only if they enhance your reader’s experience.
Remember, echoes are fun because we don’t hear them all the time. They are most happily felt when they are new or unexpected.
Tips to catch echoes:
Here is where reading your book out loud will help you catch those pesky echoes.
There are multiple apps that will read your work to you, so you don’t have to.
There are a few tools and scripts you can attach to Microsoft Word to catch them.
Create your own or add ‘macros’ to Microsoft Word that check for repeats.
Paul Beverley has hundreds of free macros you can look through and add to Microsoft Word.
ProWritingAid, AutoCrit, and Grammerly have functions to check for repeated/echoed words and phrases.
Comentários