We’ve heard it time and time again. Show your readers what is going on, don’t tell them. But what does that really mean? How can you show something without telling them what is going on?
The easiest way is to use words that describe the physical reactions of the word you are replacing.
Start by deciding what you want the reader to feel in the scene.
In this example we want the reader to feel fear.
Bob opened the door, terrified of what he would find inside.
Here you want your reader to feel that Bob is terrified.
So what happens to your body when you are terrified?
Eyes go wide Heart pounds Hold your breath Shake Sweat Tremble
Now replace terrified with one of the above words or phrases.
Bob’s heart pounded as he opened the door.
You are showing Bob is worried about what is behind the door without telling your reader he is.
You may need to adjust the sentences around this to fully show he is terrified. After all your heart can pound for multiple reasons.
This is how you show vs tell what is going on.
Changing the sentence structure will also aid in showing your reader what is going on.
Try changing who or what is doing the Action.
Cindy smelled the roses from the garden in the kitchen.
vs
The aroma of roses drifted into the kitchen, tickling Cindy’s nose.
Cindy is no longer smelling. Instead, the aroma from the roses is drifting.
Try changing the Subject.
Jamie walked inside the cave.
vs
Jamie’s footsteps echoed in the cave.
We are no longer talking about Jamie. We have shifted the focus to her footsteps and what they are doing.
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